Do you remember my post about terrible twos? What I talked about didn’t change but believe me that recently so many things happened that I could definitely change my believes a lot. And that’s because April is great in testing my patience. And by saying testing I don’t mean that she does it all on purpose, no. She just fights for herself and that’s understandable and the fact that I sometimes feel like I can’t handle it is a different thing.
Let me tell you, when she gets very upset and starts yelling and crying I literally feel as if this sound goes through my brain. I sometimes has goose bumps, she’s so loud… Anger appeared in her a while ago but not that much. When she tries t out her shoes on she sometimes makes it but sometimes doesn’t and when she doesn’t then I hear her scream, cry and she even throws the shoe on the floor! She has no patience and if she wants something she has to get it here and now. And since I don’t always do what she wants me to (because… yeah, I have my needs too) it happens at least several times a day. Last two days though were a hell, literally. And she has so much energy! I even recorded videos for Nathan to show him and each one had description like “15 minutes later” or “an hour later”. He later told me that he was impressed that I handled it all so well. Yeah, good!
April doesn’t really understand what’s happening because new emotions keep coming and she never had them before so… she gets more upset and my head hurts because of her screams. And if I don’t let her play with a knife that she wanted to grab… I’ll pay for it. I’m glad it doesn’t last long but too bad it happens so often.
How do you handle it?! – you’ll ask. And I’ll tell you that it’s not easy.
I know that this is a next development stage that she has to go through. She doesn’t do it on purpose to piss me off but to get what she needs or want at the moment which is totally natural. Recently I wrote about being selfish and I think that this it’ll fit here perfectly ;). For now she doesn’t know how to put it all in words and so she does something that’s easy for her. When she starts crying she knows that I’ll see that there’s something wrong. This is what she wants. But… Yeah, she can’t get all of what she wants (like I won’t carry her as long as she wants), she needs to understand that she’ll be disappointed sometimes. It’s just life.
Sometimes it’s very hard for me to handle because not only is my head about to explode but also I have no idea how to help her. I might want to hug or pick her up and she pushes me away. I often talk to her and name her emotions. I say I see that she’s mad, sad or whatever else is happening and I know that she understands more than we think. Unfortunately, she won’t respond with “yes, mom, I’m sad because you’re not letting me play with these scissors”. That’s why it happened to me several times already that I went outside for a little bit to breathe some fresh air or close my eyes and repeat to myself that yes, it’s hard for me but it’s hard for her too because I know what it’s all about but she has no idea. It’s easier then. I never try to convince myself that she just wants to piss me off and I don’t send her for time out or spank her and that’s because I’d make myself be more upset by this and also I’d make her be afraid of me! She wouldn’t feel support in such hard moments and would be more lost than before because she just needed help but got punished for that. I don’t want to make things worse than they are and if I feel like I need a break I just go out and calm down.
You know what happened when I once cried sitting by her because I really had enough? April stopped screaming, put her hand on my shoulder and asked me some question in her own language, let me hug her and we stayed like this for a few minutes.
But you know what makes everything better? When I put her down for a nap reading a book and I see that her eyes start closing and she falls asleep while looking into my eyes… I love it :).
To all moms and dads in similar situation – good luck and have strength! It’ll pass, just be with your children because they need you and complain if you feel like it :).
I’ll see you next time,
PS. When I say that terrible twos doesn’t exist I don’t mean that the group of certain behaviors at this age doesn’t exist. What I mean is that explaining everything by “it’s just this age” and ignoring a child’s needs and punishing him for such natural emotions and feelings is something I don’t support.
If you like reading my blog go ahead and vote for me by clicking on the banner below. Thanks :)!