I look at my husband coquettishly and while passing him by I touch his arm with my hand. He smiles and whispers: “after kids go to sleep”. I go away impatient and wait for the time when the girls are in bed.
It’s now 9.30 pm, the younger one has been asleep for half an hour and the older one reads a book in her room. I get to the bed where my husband is and… I fall in unmistakably.
– Let’s just sleep.
– Ohh, I really hoped you’d say this!
It’s hard, especially during the time when a baby keeps waking up every two hours. In our case it ended months ago so we have more energy and we rarely go to bed at 9.30, fortunately.
But unfortunately the reality is that it’s sometimes hard to find time for each other. Without kids, without worrying when which one will wake up. And it’s not only about “sexy times” (by the way, this was a bold beginning as for my blog, wasn’t it? I remembered it from one movie and that’s why I’m writing this post, I just changed three kids into two girls) but about everything else. A normal conversation without children running around, a movie watched on a couch without constant questions and comments, a dinner ate together without small hands taking everything from our plates or even – yes, we can have dreams! – a date out. And parents instead of getting closer together after having a baby (I heard it happens), they go away from each other. The longer it goes the harder it is later to fix it.
OK what’s I’m saying sounds as if each marriage just breaks down after having a baby. Let me explain, it’s not like this. And our marriage isn’t breaking down. Even more, it’s great! There’s still this spark, we still hold hands like at the beginning of our relationship, we sometimes watch movies and recently we went to a concert together. It is possible, yes, it is. But you need to want to! This is the key.
I sometimes read articles about the fact that a baby or children take so much of parents’ time that the parents don’t have this time for anything else anymore. There’s always something that they need to do in the house – clean the kitchen, fold the laundry, prepare food for a daughter and iron a shirt for a son. Always something. It never happens that there’s nothing to do and we have to decide what’s important and what’s more important.
Don’t get me wrong, children are super important! I know, I have those, I love them and I can’t imagine my life without them. The thing is, you have your own life too and I really don’t see a reason to sacrifice it all for others. Even for your own children! The truth is, if a mother is unhappy, frustrated, tired and has no patience, a child won’t be happy either. Because they detect everything, they can read everything and even if their mother tries and smiles without feeling it, her kids will definitely read it and nobody will feel well.
I understand that not everyone can just go on a date and leave kids with grandparents. We, for example, can’t. If we want to go somewhere we have to have a babysitter who we have to pay and who has a job too so it’s sometimes hard to coordinate. We rarely can just watch a movie all at once and we need to watch in two parts but… it’s doable!
I sometimes leave clothes all over the floor, the other time I leave our sink full of dishes and the other time I postpone washing the floor for the next day. Because nothing will happen if there’s a mess for a little bit. Nothing bad will happen if I put my shirts to the closet several hours later. On the contrary, I’ll have more time for more important things. Because it’s much cooler to cuddle with my husband than to wash the dishes for the hundredth time that day, right :)?
I urge everyone who think that they have to sacrifice everything for their children – take care of yourself! Don’t put yourself in a situation when you totally forgot about your needs and later you complain that you don’t have 10 minutes to put nail polish on your nails because… you can’t leave your baby with her dad because he won’t handle it. I don’t recommend this way. And the dad will handle it for sure ;).
I’ll see you next time,
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