Several days ago my old friend got married. And by saying “old” I mean that time flies so fast and people’s paths sometimes spread and especially when one person lives on the other side of the world and creates his own life out there and the other one does the same but in Poland. Some time ago our conversations were as long as some of my longest posts here. Now we talk much less frequently and not that much but she’s still a close person to me.
And yeah, so she got married several days ago. And I cried when I saw her first photo as a wife with her now-husband. Not only because I wish I was there but I also just now realized that something ended. As if the time when we had fun at the concerts, when we were in a bus for 17 hours just to be on The Baseballs concert DVD will never come back. We made silly things, we even made a music video that we gave to The Baseballs. Not mentioning all the talks we had about our lives, not only about happy moments but about problems too. We planned that when we finally have boyfriends I’ll be at her wedding and she’ll be at mine.
And now we’re both married, we both have families and I definitely don’t see myself as an old, boring housewife but I still have this impression that this awesome time that I remember so well ended for good and nothing will ever repeat. I don’t even know if I’ll ever see her again, if I’ll ever meet her husband and kids when they have them. As if I lost something. I have the feeling of loss and when I think about it I don’t really know exactly what I mean. This is very strange because I’ve been here for over three years and I just got these thoughts now and only about her. Now when we, like people say, started a new life path, I realized that everything changed. Other than that, unfortunately I wasn’t at her wedding and she wasn’t at mine.
I think that it’s about the fact that I keep losing people in my life. From the very beginning, from the very early stages of my life. Most of my family, including my only sister, died prematurely. A few “friends” turned away from me for unknown reason and in general it all wasn’t easy. So I think what scares me is the thought that I might lose someone else even though I’m really happy for her!
I know that this post doesn’t make much sense but I just wanted to throw it all out there hoping that maybe something will get more clear, it works sometimes.
Ania and Paweł, all the best to you once again! I’m very happy for you and feel free to stop by for a honeymoon :D.
Main photo does not show my friend and it’s taken by Hans Jansson
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