I’m writing this post because something kinda scary happened, I don’t have any specific idea for it, just wanted to share.
You know, doesn’t matter how much you love staying at home with your kids, you sometimes want or have to have someone to help. Someone who’ll stay with your baby for a while at your house or who’ll take him to their place. Sometimes just because a mom wants to rest or even go to a hairdresser which is totally fine. And other times because there’s no other way like in my situation when Nate goes back to work on Monday and I still can’t take care of April by myself. And I don’t have anyone close who I’d be able to ask for help. So we had to find a nanny.
Since a girl who watched April before had to move out for several weeks I posted on one of the group for local moms. Three women responded and we first talked on Facebook and then I invited two of them to our house (we didn’t want one of them for sure). One came and the other one said that her car “stopped working again”. She added that she could come another time but we said no thanks because we can’t have someone whose car keeps breaking.
The one who showed up right now is watching April at her house. She has three kids on her own, one of her daughters is 2 years old. There’s a lot of room in her house, tons of toys and April feels well there, the woman herself is pretty cool too. They’re sometimes here but mostly there because it’s easier for all.
And let me tell you, I’m very happy that this other woman didn’t come. When I talked to her she seemed totally fine, a loving mother and so on. And yesterday she published a post in the same group in which she said she can’t handle her 2 year old, that she often cries, is anxious, refuses to do what her mother tells her to and so on. I won’t talk more details now but in general it seems to me like she’s a normal two year old who finally has her own concrete opinions, who realizes that she doesn’t have to do what other person tells her to in order to survive, has strong emotions and feelings that she can’t handle, that she can’t even name. And that woman added that she tried everything – she punished, took toys away, talked “in toddler talk”, spanked. And she was surprised that nothing is helping. To be totally honest, my heart started racing like crazy because I realized how close it was for her to watch April! I suppose that after meeting her we’d know that there’s something wrong but what if she’s a good actress and she’d hide everything? She’d take my daughter to her house and what, in case April was frustrated she’d get beaten up? Yelled at? This is scary! The thought of someone like this taking care of April makes me shiver.
And then two things came to my mind… If someone can’t handle their own child they definitely shouldn’t want to watch other kids, this is extremely irresponsible. The second thing is that it all applies to people who want to come to the US as au pairs too.
You really need to be careful. If you look for a babysitter for your child invite your candidates to your house and watch how they are with your kid and how your kid reacts. When Nate was to leave April with our babysitter for the first time in our new house he’ll stay long enough for April to decide that he can go. She did it by staying on the babysitter’s lap without going back to him. It took around half an hour. Children are very trusting and ruining this takes one second but building it back can take years. If your child isn’t able to trust someone, cries, doesn’t want to stay, becomes anxious and so on, you have a great foundation to think that there’s something wrong with this person and at least enough for a kid not to stay.
I’m adding a short video below.
Talk to you next time!