Questions and answers part 2 – a plan for my life, if I talk with children about sex and if I think that Americans are stupid…

Hey there!

Today I’m going to answer some more questions. I hope that my answers will be satisfying and I want you to know that I’m not pushing my opinions on you! I’m answering according to my opinions and feelings :). Please remember also that I don’t need any advice and if I ever need any help, I’ll let you know like I did a few times already.

  1. “I wanted to ask about what you talked about on your blog some time ago. Postcrossing. What do you think about it? Are you still involved?”

For those who don’t know what Postcrossing is: you exchange postcards with people from all over the world. You need to sign up on their website – postcrossing.com – and give them your address (it’s not public). You then click on “send a postcard” and this way you get an address of someone who you should send your postcard to. Each card has its own ID code that you need to write down and this is very important because a recipient needs to register each postcard on the website and only then your address will be available to the next person who’ll want to send something :).

If it comes to what I think, Postcrossing is a great thing! I’ve received a lot of postcards from a lot of interesting places. Most of them are with pictures of a city they come from but one person made a postcard especially for me with a pic of Jim Carrey who’s – as you know – my favorite actor. I still send postcards but not as often as before. It’s not that I got bored or anything, it’s more that I’ve been so busy for a long time now and I simply don’t remember about it. I do have tons of empty postcards waiting to be sent! So if any of you would like to exchange with me, send me an e-mail – gusiek.w@gmail.com

Nate keeps saying that I’m old-fashioned… But I like being old-fashioned. I love letters and postcards more than e-mails or other souvenirs.

  1. “Do you feel that Alicia is less important to you? Your own daughter is something different than daughter of your husband? Do you feel like you love her more and that Alicia will never be on the same level?”

Of course I treat and see Alicia as my daughter and she treats me as her mom and friend even though she keeps in touch with her biological mother. But yet, my own daughter is different than my husband’s daughter. By “own” I understand that born by me. Hmm. I was wondering how to answer these questions to explain honestly what I mean. I’ll try…

I think that starting raising a child who’s a few years old and, like Alicia, has a lot of bad experiences is different than starting with a baby who has a blank card and all her opinions and everything else starts to develop. It’s easier in the second case. I got pregnant after a few months of thinking that “maybe I can’t have babies”, then I carried her inside of me for such a long time! This is also a big part of the way I feel, I think.

To be totally honest – yes, April is more important to me than Alicia. And even though I love both of them, I still feel some kind of a difference between my emotions for them but I can’t explain what it is exactly. I talked to Nathan about it too and I told him the same thing I said just now here.

Will Alicia ever be on the same level as April? In my opinion April isn’t better than Alicia and Alicia isn’t better than April. You know what I mean? I can have my own opinions about stuff and even if I like blond hair better than brown it doesn’t mean that Alicia is worse in any way. She’s different and it’s great.

I believe than it happens often that a mother who has two children has warmer feelings to one of them than another. I don’t think that loving both the same way is any obligation because it depends on different things like for example and most importantly the relationship between each other. I might have the same feelings to both of them in a few days/weeks/years, who knows.

  1. “When you were getting ready to leave to the US you had no idea you and Nathan would fall in love but I remember that you were sure you didn’t want to go back to Poland. So what was your plan for the time after your au pair program? What did you want to do to stay?”

I was sure I didn’t want to go back to Poland but I didn’t plan to stay in the States. I mean, of course I thought that it’d be great to stay but I knew that it’s really hard and there’s not many options to do so. I knew that I wouldn’t go back to Poland because it’d be a huge step back and a big failure to me. I would probably go to some other country but I didn’t have any specific plan because then I preferred to focus on what I had to do here in the US and then later to think about what’s next.

Some of you might think that it so didn’t make any sense that I didn’t have any idea for my life but I didn’t feel worse than others or anything. It was ok for me not to be tied up to one job, not to have commitments or not to be stressed about what I’ll do in this “future” and so on. The truth is that I didn’t feel there was anything else for me to do back in Poland but I knew there was a lot of possibilities in other places.

Also, before I left a few people told me the same thing which is: “Aga, you’ll stay there for good!” How did they know?!

  1. “What do you think about book what talk about controversial subjects, like, death, sex, war, illnesses or childbirths. In Poland those are still taboo and parents rarely talk with children about things like that.”

I’ve been thinking about this question for a while and I realized that in my opinion there’s no such thing as a controversial subject because each person can see things different than others. There are of course things that some don’t feel comfortable with and they really want to avoid them especially with children and these are called controversial because it’s just easier. Too bad that most people feel uncomfortable talking about pretty much the same stuff but it’s all about culture, society, etc.

You obviously don’t have to agree with me but in my opinion things like death, illnesses and childbirths (and other not mentioned in the question) are very natural, very human and everyone has the right to know about them – including children. Some of them will apply to all of us (like death), others to just some people, it all depends. So I don’t see why we should hide anything from kids. People often things it’s all “for your own good” but usually it turns out that this “protection” has the opposite effect. Why couldn’t a child see a picture of a childbirth if he’s curious or why can’t he know about periods and birth controls? If a kid asks where babies come from, I really don’t like the answer like “you’re too small for that” or even being resentful because of that. I’d like to highlight that children rarely ask about sex. What they ask about is where babies come from. And yes, it’s very connected but you just tell answer their question specifically calling body parts the way they’re called – instead of bees and flowers or even worse storks bringing babies – this will satisfy that young inquisitive person. And being curious if a very natural thing and I think that if a kid (even a 4-year-old!) doesn’t get an answer from parents, she’ll get it from somewhere else, different time and in a way that parents would prefer to avoid. Whereas, if he gets the satisfying answer, that’ll be the end of the subject.

If it comes to diseases, I’ll tell you from my own experience that hiding anything from children is a very bad idea. I remember that my mom was absent for long periods of time, that she often felt bad, that some woman would come to her from time to time. I remember she always had short hair put in the same way but years earlier she had really long, beautiful and very dark hair. I remember that once my father took me and my sister to a place where she was spending most of the time and she put my hair into a bun that I liked very much.  Why did all that look like this? I had no idea, it was just the way it was. I was happy every time when I saw her because I knew it wouldn’t last long. And later one morning my father and his mother told me and my sister: “sit up, we need to tell you something”. And book, the information fell on us – “your mother died”. I remember this moment with details, I remember what I wore, how my sister’s hair was, how everything went – with all the details. I remember I didn’t really understand completely – dead? But how, what does it even mean? I was 2 months before my 7th birthday, my sister was 5. And you can’t even imagine how confused I was. I completely didn’t know what was happening! I even had no idea that my mom was sick! Later on I remember several situations when I asked what happened to her, what kind of illness it was, how long… And NOBODY wanted to tell me anything. Because I was “too young”, because “this subject isn’t for you” or “we’ll tell you one day”… Even when I was older, when I was graduating primary school – it was still a secret to me. You know how I found out? I was looking for photographs from my childhood in my father’s room and instead of them I found my mother’s wig and her breast prosthesis… My family’s try to protect me and my sister from negative things like seeing her being sick in the hospital (we were there once only) took away our only chance to see her and to spend some more time with here and I’ll never forgive them. I don’t even remember her voice, I don’t have any memories. NEVER HIDE THINGS LIKE THIS FROM CHILDREN, this is one of the worst things you could do.

Wars and things like that are a little different because in my opinion most of the information we get from media isn’t true. I think that they really try to make a society be scared because then it’s much easier to control them and this is what a government of each country wants and the government controls media. I don’t want to talk too much about it so I’ll tell you in general that I’ll be careful with these subjects because I don’t want my children to live in some imaginary and terrible world that isn’t as bad as people see it.

I wish there was no such thing as “taboo” because tons of problems come up because people are afraid / embarrassed to talk about some stuff. Even when it’s about farting or burping and so where’s talking about sex…

  1. “Do you agree that 95% of Americans are people with very low IQ score, that this is a thoughtless and totally controlled by media society? What level of education dominates in American people? Do they go to theaters and read books? What do they talk about?”

No, I don’t think that 95% of Americans are people with a very low IQ score. I wonder, where did you get this information from? And what does “very low IQ” mean? I’m not joking or anything, I’m asking seriously because I honestly don’t know if there’s any specific and official guidelines or whatever. Besides, I personally think that even if someone has a low IQ, whatever that means, it doesn’t mean that this person is stupid or worse than others in any way. At least in most cases.

If this is a society that’s totally thoughtless? It’s difficult to answer this question because there’s surely a lot of people who believe in everything that you’ll put in front of them without thinking about it, they won’t have their own opinions at all. This is the fact. But there’s also a lot who will act the opposite way which means they’ll stop, think, read more and so on. The point is that it’s exactly the same way with people in different countries and it doesn’t matter where you live. And if they’re controlled by media? I wouldn’t say “completely” because we need to go back to what I just said – there are people who believe in everything and people who have their own opinions – but if you want to generalize then yest, Americans are controlled by media. The same way as all (!) societies in countries that have access to mentioned medias. Unfortunately.

The level of education in American people? I have no idea but I’m sure there’s some data online if you’re interested enough to look it up.

Do they go to theaters and read books? Of course they do! Pretty often.

What do they talk about? It all depends – who you’re with, where, when, why, if you drink alcohol or not, what your mood is, if you have any problem and how serious, if anything interesting happened in your life and more. I sometimes go to lunch with Nathan and his coworkers and I witnessed conversations about all kinds of stuff starting with some silly talks, animals, music and movies, through work and everything around it ending on abortions, drugs and so on, and so on.

So to summarize – no, I don’t think that Americans are stupid :).

  1. April and if I’ll teach her to speak Polish… A hundredth time. 

To be totally honest, I feel bored and a little irritated by “drilling” this topic. I explained my opinion about it in THIS POST and there’s nothing left to say so further tries to change my mind will be ignored by me with a premeditation. And of course you can have your own opinion and say it if you wish! However, I’m tired of reading about what you think I should and shouldn’t do because this is interference into my life instead of sharing your opinion and this is what I don’t like.

  1. “When are you going to be in Poland?”

I’m landing in Warsaw on June 29th and leaving on July 13th :).

I think that’s all as for now. If you have any further questions, feel free to leave comments down below. I’ll talk to you next time!

Aga

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