Today’s post is a “hotchpotch” kind of post. It’s Sunday’s morning, the Sun is shining, it’s very warm outside, Alicia is at Fang’s house, Nate’s still sleeping. I don’t have any plans for today yet but I think we’ll go somewhere or we’ll just sit outside, play a ball or whatever. It’s time to relax after collecting documents for my green card application which I sent yesterday. Since that moment I’ve been wondering whether I had everything I needed or not. But well, it’s normal. By the way, feel free to li
A song for you!
Recently Alicia told me she wanted to talk. She said: Aga, this is serious… but not too serious. We sat down and she started to talk to me about different stuff and after a while she started to cry and said she was so happy she had me and that she loved and she felt good with me. I asked where this sadness comes from and she said: people sometimes cry because they’re happy! I know what she meant but I believe that you can’t cry from happiness. Crying is caused by a sadness that we’re aware of or we’re not aware of. In this case, I think, this sadness was caused by Alicia’s need to say something like this to her mother being completely honest with it but she had to pretend and so now when she had the chance to say it when she really felt it, she feel so happy because of this new experience and at the same time that time when she wanted to and it didn’t work comes back to her and she remembers how difficult it was and so on… That’s why she smiled and cried at the same time. And I feel warmth in my heart.
I think, generally, that it’s very important to be sad when you’re sad. You know what I mean? When I have tears in my eyes, I’m aware of the fact that there’s something happening because they don’t come with no reason (ever!) and this is my choice whether I decide to stop for a while and think about it or to ignore it. Every time when I stop, I find an explanation for my tears and I feel much better because I’m able to solve the problem or at least to start working on it. And I think it doesn’t have anything to do with a positive attitude to your life! Because feelings aren’t permanent – they change all the time. All of them – starting with love, through happiness, sadness, to hate, etc. We can be sad and cry like babies and at the same time be positive about different things which went a little bit away for a while to give some room to feelings which need to come out at the moment. And I think it’s very important to give them that chance.
Let’s talk about height!
Do you know what I heard yesterday? I heard that if a girl is tall and she wants to wear a dress which is shorter than maxi, she should pick one that is short in front to “show legs” but longer in back to “be more conservative” but short girls can wear dresses which are short in both sides because shorter girls aren’t “provocative” but the tall ones are. Seriously?! I’m sorry I have long legs, I’m very sorry! OK, honestly, I’m not sorry even a tiny bit and I also don’t want to be “conservative” and I don’t want anyone to tell me that I should.
I started to watch recommended videos on YouTube and I eventually found some in which tall girls (by saying tall I mean above 5’9”) wear heels and wedges and they talk about other people’s reactions and how these reactions affect them and so son. I like their approach; that they wear whatever they like and they don’t pay attention to what others think and that they accept themselves in 100%. But it wasn’t always like this because others’ pressure is sometimes difficult to ignore and so reaching the point when you like yourself takes a lot of time sometimes (not always though). It’s sad that some people have to rebuild their self-confidence after other people ruined it.
If it comes to my experience about what I hear from other people, here you have first examples I thought of:
1. You should wear heels because you’re tall anyway. / You’re tall enough without heels. / Why are you wearing heels if you’re always tall? / You really need to be taller than you are? / Don’t you prefer to wear 1.5in heels instead of 3in ones? / How tall are you?
It’s as if I told a short girl: you shouldn’t wear those convers because you’re too short for flat shoes!
Besides, the reason why women wear heels doesn’t have to be that they want to be taller than they are. Reasons are different, for example: legs look cool, butt goes up, your back is straighter, your posture changes, shoes like that are pretty. And there’s more I think but I can’t think of any more right now.
The other thing is the fact that tall women have feet which are proportional to their height which means they’re bigger than a popular size of 7,5 (I have a size of 10/10,5/11 – depends on a shoe and a store). What follows this is that if it comes to picking shoes, there are two options – flats or high heels. Nothing in between because if I wore 1.5 heels, my feet would look like kayaks.
2. You’re so tall!
Oh, thanks for this information because I didn’t know 🙂 In 90% of the cases when I meet someone new and I start our talk, it begins with this kind of sentence. Why’s that? Because this is something very visible and it’s hard not to pay attention to that. People sometimes remember me because of this and later it’s easier for them to know who they want to talk about: Aga, this tall blond. Not that long time ago one woman in Target yelled to me: oh, Mrs from Poland! When I told her I was surprised she remembered me, she said: because you’re so tall it’s easy to remember. It makes sense to me but it still irritates me as well… Because hey, how many times will I have to hear it?
3. You should play volleyball or basketball/be a model!
No, I prefer dancing. For real, people? Are they only things tall people can do? Why are people so surprised when I deny doing any of these things? Is it really that hard to understand I don’t like playing basketball or that I don’t want to be a model?
4. You’re taller than me!
This is something that is easier to hear from men because girls are usually more neutral if it comes to the difference between heights. In one of videos I watched yesterday there was that guy who commented other men which tell girls they’re too tall or taller than they are, etc. He said: “I think it comes from the bitchness. If dudes are saying it, they’re saying it because they go: or no, she’s way too tall, that makes me feel like a little bitch so I want her to get a little bit lower so I don’t feel that much of a little guy.” 🙂 And I’ll finish this part now.
Every time when I hear something like things from #1, I have questions in my head like: do I cause you any problems? If so, what kind? Am I some kind of a threat? for you? What kind? Do I offend you somehow? How, if I do? Do I harm you? How? Are you able to tell me that you mean exactly talking about your feelings, which would be something like: when you wear heels, I feel this and that and it causes me this problem…? (By the way, I think I’ll start asking questions like this and I’ll create a report or something haha That would be interesting.)
I guarantee you that I won’t find a single person who would answer this question as YES. If it happened, I’d be very surprised and I’d surely tell you that.
Let’s do a little experiment. I’m showing you two pictures…
…and I’m saying: in the one on the left I’m like 6’4” and on the one on the right I’m about 6’2” and I’m asking: does the way I look in those pics cause any of you any problems? If it does, what are those problems?
And what about the situation when I’m naturally taller than someone else when I’m not wearing heels? Should I shot the door and stay at home forever? An example on the left: my sister, her friend and me.
Things like this are problems of a person who says them, not mine. Of course, I’d pay more attention to those problems if I heard an I-statement (I talked about this subject HERE) instead of being taught what I should and what I shouldn’t. If I told a very skinny person that she shouldn’t wear tight clothes because she shows more of her body which is very thin; or if I told a fat person that she shouldn’t wear pants/dresses/skirts shorter than those touching ankles, people would tell me I’m not tolerant in each case. And it works to me too but then it’s so normal to other people.
Speaking of what’s normal because it’s an important thing here. A lot of people have their own standards that they’re held on to and there wouldn’t be anything wrong with it if they didn’t put their standards on other people and they kept them for themselves and their own bodies. You know, they have their boxes and they put in them people who fit which means people who: are normal which means they’re skinny but not too thin and not too fat, a size 8 is fine but 10 is way too big; are normal which means not too short and not too tall and this is a little bit more complicated because apparently “a man is one who’s taller than 5’9” and “a real woman is shorter than 5’7”; they have normal relationship which means that a man is taller than a woman. And where are those who don’t fit these standards? They’re thrown away and taught that they should this and that and they shouldn’t other things because a person who sets these standards think so and this is the only way. Would you tell a self confident, pretty woman with two children and a husband who feels great with her own body and thinks she’s intelligent and so on that SHE ISN’T A REAL WOMAN because she’s 5’9” and she dared to wear high heels? Would you tell a couple that they shouldn’t be together because a girl is taller than her partner? Or a girl who’s 22lbs heavier than she should be that why she goes anywhere to people, that her place is her home because nobody should look at her because she’s gross? I don’t think you would. And I very often hear that I’m too tall and this is OK? Not to me and I guarantee you that a lot of other tall girls would confirm my words.
And more about normality… Comparing very short girls to very tall girls what you can see in the picture above. Arguing who’s in a worse situations, who’s in a better one, who’s more attractive to men and who’s less, etc. Comparing a person who’s healthy and is just tall to a person who has some health problems which are a reason why this person isn’t taller… Does it make any sense?
Moreover, in a lot of cases it’s all about jealously and having or rather not having a self-esteem. I’m not talking about jealously like “I’d like to be as tall as you”, even though it happens sometimes as well but in this case I always hear a honest thing. What I’m talking about is this kind of being jealous like: you’re so confident, you feel well with yourself, you wear whatever you want to and you don’t care about what other people think, you have your head up but you’re not bitchy… I’d like to be the same but I can’t so I’m telling you that you shouldn’t do that because I hope it’ll make you stop and then I won’t feel worse than you. And there’s nothing wrong with that because this person has a real problem and she doesn’t know how to handle it. And I think it’s this way in most cases. What I have a problem with is that how they share it with me when they’re aware of it. Because there are people who aren’t aware and they say you shouldn’t wear these heels because you’re too tall and when I ask WHY do you think so? they say… I don’t know. They know there’s something wrong but they don’t know what and so they think it’s the way it shouldn’t be and that’s all. I’d love them to think a little bit more about it because I’m sure they’ll find an explanation after a while.
Where do those standards come from? Not from your head. They come from above which means from media mostly. Living in these days it’s very hard to ignore things like that and I admire people who are able to do it if there are any.
You know, we don’t have to like the way other people look; we don’t have to like the way they dress… But in my opinion the fact that we don’t like something doesn’t mean that that person we don’t like has to change whatever it is just because we’ll feel better. Why? I myself have to handle my own problems after sharing them with someone else but only in a way which won’t cross their boundaries which means by talking about my own feelings.
I’d love those boxes I talked about to disappear. Live your lives the way you want to and let other people live theirs the way they want to! Damn, if I want to wear 4in heels or shorts and wedges, I’ll do it and I’ll go outside and I surely won’t take them off only because someone till tell me that I shouldn’t wear them. Bullshit. I won’t take a part in it but I’m pretty sure I’ll still be irritated sometimes because I’m tired of listening to things like that. I’m bored with this too, really. Not too long ago I was thinking I envied people who, for example, had blue hair and they didn’t care about what others think because they simply like their hair like that and they want to look this way; or I envied people who are visibly very fat and they wear shorts or tight tops because they like them and they feel good in them; now after I typed this post I came to a conclusion that there’s NOTHING wrong with me, I’m NORMAL, I stand out in a crowd but this is NOT bad! And I don’t want to forget about what I like and what I feel good in only because I allow other people to affect me in this way. I don’t want to allow them to do it! If someone has a problem with how I look, then oh well, this is NOT my problem. So thank you for letting me talking about this here because it helped me to find those conclusions 🙂
I’m curious, what are your opinions about this?
And a pic for the end… Related to what I was talking about above: Nate is 0.8in shorter than me 🙂
We went for a long walk yesterday an we took a lot of pictures. I wanted to show you them but I don’t want this post to be any longer so I’ll show you them in one or two weeks.
Talk to you next time!